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Investigators at a major
research institute have discovered the heaviest element known to
science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named
Administratium (Ad).
The new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic
number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons,
75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, for an atomic mass of
312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
peons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.
However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it
came into contact.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes
one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally
take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of
approximately three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons,
viceneutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, an
Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since
with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons,
forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion
leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed
whenever morons reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass".
What did the moon say to the sun?
So big and cant come out at night!
A vertically challenged psychic was arrested one day. He escaped from
jail and the newspaper headline read, "SMALL MEDIUM AT-LARGE."
Two atoms were walking down the street. One atom says to the other
one, "I've lost an electron! The 2nd atom replies, "Are you sure?" Says
the 1st atom, "I'm positive."
The two inventors of the bungee rope went
to Spain to test their invention. They built a 50-foot tower and, once
completed, one of the guys stood on the edge of the platform and dove
into the air with the rope tied to his feet. The other guy, standing up
on the platform, waited until his friend returned up so that he could
grab him. The first time his friend sprung up, he tried to grab him but
missed and noticed that his head was swollen. The next time, he missed
again and again there was a bruise on his head and face. This time, with
much concern, he dove forward to get his partner, pulled him in and
asked, "What happened? Is the cord too long?" His partner replied with
his face all bloody, "What is piņata?"
A poet and a scientist were traveling
together on a plane. The scientist was bored and said to the poet, "Hey,
you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get
it wrong, you give me $5. Then, you ask me a question, and if I can't
answer it, I'll give you $5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it,
seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely
turned down the scientist's offer.
The scientist, who was really bored, tried again. "Look, I'll ask you a
question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask me a
question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50."
The poet agreed. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the exact distance
between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about
the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed
it to the scientist.
The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now
it's your turn."
The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "All right,
what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?"
The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought
about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous
calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop,
using his Multimedia Encyclopedia. As the plane was landing the
scientist gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill.
The poet accepted it graciously, getting ready to stand up. "Wait!" the
scientist shouted, "you can't do this to me! What's the answer?"
The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put a $5 bill into his hand.
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